Is Restarting about making it New?

As one year ended and another one began five days ago, I tried not to think too much about it as the end and the beginning of something . Lately I don’t believe in the hype created around ‘new years’. We don’t have fireworks displays when a day ends. Why would the end of a year be any different? I opted for a ‘modest celebration’ and camped in the desert for the new year night, taking in the beautiful sunset, the softness of the warm sand, the starry sky, the warmth of the fire and the company of great friends as if it was any other night.

Consciously, I made the decision of not making big plans for the ‘new’ year because the truth is - no matter how determined you are to achieve some things, quite often the universe has got a slightly different plan for you and I’ve lived through some very unexpected changes in my life which are proof that whatever direction you want to take, there is a high chance that you’ll be forced to make a few detours and stop overs along the way or even change your destination completely. And as my mind was sunk deep into this realization I came across these wise words below which I feel they summarize my daily existence.

‘I seldom end up where I want to go but almost always end up where I need to be’ (Douglas Adams).

Right now I cannot remember the last time I woke up with a plan for the day, in my mind, that actually materialized. And I tend to be a creature that feels comfortable with routines and who loves to plan things, so you can imagine the chagrin I am left with when suddenly my plan goes out the window. So if there is any ‘plan’ for this new year, then ‘not having a plan’ and going with the flow are the signs that I want to follow and which hopefully will take me to NOT feeling any more unnecessary disappointment, unnecessary anger, guilt, and all stress - related petty and unworthy feelings which I officially UNwelcome into my world. I slam the door right now into their ugly faces! I want to join a continuous state of zen instead!

I cannot change anything about last year in terms of the bumpy parts of the road I traveled on. I did manage to go over them regardless of how high in the air they threw me and how painful the landing was. I didn’t end up where I wanted to be or how I wanted to be but the lessons and the detours must have been necessary and part of a process that I am not yet aware of. And I am not going to lie, I don’t like not knowing, it’s a big challenge for me to wait and a painful patience lesson but I’ve always been able to look back at some stage in my life and see how the pieces of the puzzle have fallen in the right places at the right times, so I want to continue believing that they will always do so.

I did take a moment to do a quick reflection on the past year during a yoga session by the sea under the last full moon of the year but it was more a summary of the greatest moments, good and bad, with a focus on what I should be thankful for. What I didn’t do and it seems to be knocking on the door to my chamber of reflections – I didn’t spend time going over the things that need closure in order to start fresh. As I focused on not making big plans and not thinking of the ‘new year’ as being the promptness for change but rather ‘the moment’ you decide to change and which can be placed at any time, I ignored the fact that the mind has got a tendency to store and in my case it quite often stores unwanted ‘items’. I need to get rid of these items so I can make room for the zen and in order to do that I am faced with two options: solve or erase/delete for good. It always sounds so easy when you say it! If only I can use the computer mouse and simply click, click and click! ‘Are you sure you want to delete these items? ’ YES!!!!!!

I came across two powerful signs in these first few days of the new year, which again confirms to me that I am drawn to answers.

One was an image with the word RESTART YOUR LIFE. And the words hit me really hard. While consciously I am making plans of not making plans, my subconscious yells at me that there are lots of pieces that need some changing because the word ‘restart’ is what I actually want. Not need but want! And restarting implies a new beginning and that beginning requires a blank page! And that blank page requires a lot of deleting and solving!

The second powerful thing is the following extract from an interview with Jiddu Krishnamurti on 1st of January 1985:

"I wonder what we mean by a new year. Is it a fresh year, a year that is totally afresh, something that has never happened before? When we say something new, though we know that there is nothing new under the sun, when we talk about a happy new year, is it really a new year for us? Or is it the same old pattern repeated over and over again? Same old rituals, same old traditions, same old habits, a continuity of what we have been doing, still are doing, and will be doing this year.

So, is there anything new? Is there anything that is really afresh, something that you have never seen before? This is rather an important question, if you will follow it - to turn all the days of our life into something, which you have never seen before. That means a brain that has freed itself from its conditioning, from its characteristics, from its idiosyncrasies and the opinions, and the judgements, and the convictions.

Can we put all that aside and really start a new year? It would be marvellous if we could do that. Because our lives are rather shallow, superficial, and have very little meaning. We are born, whether we like it or not we are born, educated - which may be a hindrance too. Can we change the whole direction of our lives? Is that possible? Or are we condemned forever to lead rather narrow, shoddy, meaningless lives. We fill our brains and our lives with something which thought has put together.….Can we drop all that and start anew with a clean slate and see what comes out of that, with our hearts and minds?" (JK in Chennai, 1st January 1985)

My answer is I don’t know and I won’t say I am planning to add some freshness and newness to my life every day from now on. I am planning to go with the flow as it seems to take me to where I need to be.

Me.